The "circle of trust" and the "being" mode of life

I believe that honesty and knowledge are the base of a happy life. By applying them we can build up the trust required to develop the strength that enables us to explore and enjoy our lives in a deeper i.e. more intense and genuine way. If this makes us feel good we will continue to trust - hence, "circle of trust". When we are in this circle we could say we are in the "being" mode of life in which we can experience genuine love, freedom and happiness. Everything is based on what we really are. We live our life.

The "circle of fear" and the "having" mode of life

The other (much more common) mode of life is based on the "circle of fear". In this mode we choose to define ourselves through what we have (money, car, house, life-partner) - rather than what we are (skills, believes, knowing things). In the moment when possessing something becomes important to us, we have started to experience constant fear - the fear of losing those possessions - hence, "circle of fear".

Very often we tend to compensate such fear by acquiring more and more, hoping that this strategy will take away the fear of becoming poor - having nothing. What then really happens is that we get attached and used to even more possessing which increases the fear (of losing e.g. money, recognition, social status, past achievements) instead of reducing it.

The fear of losing those things that "define" us together with the lack of trust and knowledge causes other related fears such as, for example, the fear to be different from what is considered as "normal" or the fear not to fulfill the expectations. Those fears direct our lifes and we end up not doing those things we would love to do but don't dare.

As a result we lead a superficial life that is "dictated" by others (most effectively by the mass media) as well as by our own fear of losing something. Sooner or later we will become passive, unhappy and lifeless.

Living in the "having" mode we can only pretend to be happy and nobody (incl. ourselves) will ever find out who we really are. We are not able to live our life.

Honesty

Being honest has many advantages. One is that it simplifies life. We don't need to make up lies which can become pretty complicated since one lie will lead into another. It also makes communication easier since we don't need to guess - only to listen. But the best thing with being honest is that we can actually live our lives by doing and thinking as unique individuals. This releases a huge potential of brain-power and creativity - very much needed in times where mankind is struggling to survive.

Being honest to others requires to be courageous at times. Saying something that might not always be appreciated immediately by everybody present and may even give you some short term drawbacks. But in the long term I believe it always pays off. If not in the present environment then in another one - at least we find out pretty soon which environment we fit in.

Being honest with ourselves is the really hard part. It means finding the answer to questions like "What do I really want/think/feel?". It also needs courage to:

• ask those questions whenever relevant - which can be many times a day
• change your opinion or at least let it be affected by somebody who has a good argument against something you said.

By beig honest we have a very good condition to enter the circle of trust and the "being" mode of life. Accordingly, we can enter the circle of fear fairly quickly by being dishonest. Check it out..

Knowledge (here = "knowing")

Honesty alone is not enough to develop trust. We need to know that we are doing the right thing. For example, the infant knows that its mother is there to feed it and protect it. Only because of that knowledge it is able to develop trust and discover life in the being mode. In general, knowing what is going to happen or knowing that we can cope with every situations in life (somehow) always helps to beat fear and to build up trust.
Accordingly, uncertainty or not knowing will lead straight into the circle of fear and the "having" mode of life. By knowing we can "beat" uncertainty - the base of fear.

Read more: [Poem about life-goals] [Home]

Note: The "having" and the "being mode" of life is a concept introduced and discussed in Erich Fromm's great books "To have or to be" and "The art of loving". I consider myself very lucky to have come across these books relatively early and can highly recommend them to anybody who is genuinely interested in improving her/his social life and perhaps even influence mankind's social future - based on modern psychology.
However, what I have written here reflects what I believe (this my personal homepage..), which may and should (we are all individuals) differ at times from what others think or have written. However, the circles of trust and fear as depicted on this page have not been published anywhere else but on this website.